i'm listening to the music of lecture again from mum, as usual. she claims how frustrated/sick she is, how she does her best and that no one bothers.. how unfair life treats her and etcetra. its amazing how she could even conjure up such thoughts when the fact is that she is among the upper class of society, leading a fairly luxurious life. owning a property in prime lands, a family, having all the bills taken care of, resources to spend and such are things that people work their entire lives out for! yet, she obstinately remains with her old mindset of obsessiveness over small things and self centredness.

sighh.. well enough about that.. its pretty ironic how much i feel as her. i resent it.. our biology teaches us about the ecosystem and how the first forms of life in a particular habitat are succeeded later on as the former said lifeforms alter the ecosystem, rendering it unsuitable for their own needs after a certain period of time and die off. the successor species are significantly different and able to adapt to the new changes in that enviroment. ecological succession.

nature's way of keeping things going round, and i think id probably need something of the sort, a change.. of perception .

wtfz

i'm under quitee alot of pressure right now.. thanks to my mum again. i have to say she plays a really fucking big role in my life. for instance, she's never failed to make me feel as insignificant and unimportant as ever whenever i needed it.. yes thats right boys and girls, dont encourage and praise your child! instead diss them for any minor wrong doing! and when they actually get something right, just turn your head around pretend not to notice in hopes that they'll instinctively keep repeating such acts.

not only that, she also has much to say about what i do or partake in.. for instance guitars; although she was the one who got me enrolled in the first place (for the wrong reasons probably) , eventually i was pretty much uh.. on my own, handicapped in fact. she refers to my enthusiasm as a complete waste of time that could be better spent on reading textbooks (?!) .. and does not understand the difference between types of guitars thinking their all the same.

its not that i can't get along with other people(other parents even!).. in fact some of them think im pretty decent! bah.. i don't know whats wrong here, but we're definitely on very different wavelengths...