some thoughts

its been about a week since we parted ways. its been about a week since this self-consuming void existed within. its been about a week since all hell broke loose..

i could think of many other ways to describe it.. i'm pretty much still stuck in emotional limbo.. not knowing what move i should make next..

should i be happy that she factored in everything and did this for the greater good? college life.. and beyond that.. our busy schedules.. our different(?!) needs..

that would be the ideal case right?

but.. i can without doubt say otherwise. my heart was shattered that day.. still is in fact. i did meet up with her soon after and we talked.. i felt much better but there was still something lingering after..

she did mention that just maybe in the future things might work out.. the more i prodded on the topic the more melancholic the details seemed to be.. maybe after a long period of time.. maybe after a few more heartbreaks. i cant stand the thought of it. i felt like ive given this all i've got.. perhaps even more. you know this.. and to start everything all over again.. even with another individual so perfect.. i just can't.

you're in ou now.. i want to see you.. although i know that there wont be any radical change of heart.. but i know i should not.. sighh.. every second i hold on t0 pains me.. its like being torn between two different realities.

i just want you to know, no matter how bleak it all seemed when explained all that stuff a few nights ago.. i'm still holding on to you, yvonne..